operation firebird
by allyourdarlings
Summary: Henry has a confession to make. Captain Cobra. Speculation fics for 5b. Spoilers abound.
1. i have a confession

The Jolly creaks and moans in its mooring as though it is grieving the loss of its captain. Perhaps it is, Henry muses. The ship is made of enchanted wood and has been Hook's home for hundreds of years. They had a connection to each other that surely surpassed the ordinary.

"I miss him, too," Henry confesses softly to the ship. He doesn't have anyone else with whom to share these feelings.

When his father died, Henry didn't really know who Neal was, other than the coward who abandoned his mother, pregnant and alone in jail. And though Henry's memories were eventually restored, it didn't change the fact that his father was a villain in his mind longer than he had been a hero. And it certainly didn't change the fact that what Neal did to his mother was true.

Still, Henry couldn't help but be upset that the murky feelings he had of his father's death persisted even after he remembered him. He didn't want to tell Emma who still loved his father (even after _that_ ). And though his other mom would have said she understood, he actually didn't think she would. So, he ran to Hook. He had been the one who helped him process his feelings in the first place, who helped him get to know a man that he never really knew, memory-curses aside, and who understood what it meant to be betrayed by your own feelings.

And Hook had taken one look at Henry's red eyes, set sail and took them out as far as the light would allow. Eventually, Henry started talking and he couldn't stop. But Hook didn't frown at Henry or tell him how he should feel. He just listened. It felt good to get all those ugly feelings out. But Hook, who had always loved Bae, didn't call those feelings ugly. He just held onto Henry. And Henry felt like it was alright to simply feel what he did.

He did take a page from Hook's book and focused on remembering the good things about his father. He didn't want to nullify what his father had done to his mother but he tried to remind himself that there were things he loved about his father. Like his taste in music and weakness for amusement parks. And it was nice to be able to share a part of his father that Hook didn't know with the reformed pirate. Henry had wanted to give Hook something back for all he had given him.

And it just sucks. Because he knows he shouldn't miss Hook more than he misses his own father. But he does. And he doesn't know who to tell because ever since _Entangled Feelings 101 featuring Neal Cassidy_ , he had always gone to Hook. He had come to depend on Hook. Hook always made time for him, always listened carefully, always understood. And he can't imagine another person replacing him and he doesn't want another person replacing him. He doesn't want to confess to anyone else. So he tells the Jolly because he can't, he just can't tell anyone else.

He doesn't know how long he is out there, sitting on the side of the pier, with his legs dangling over the dark water. He doesn't even board the Jolly. He doesn't want to without her captain.

But then Emma calls them in for an emergency meeting at the loft. And he is running, running, running across town. He has this wild hope that his mom found a way to save Hook, through true love's kiss or something or another. Because she's the savior and she's magical and it really just _can't_ end like this.

He doesn't know why he's disappointed that Hook isn't there giving him an over-exaggerated wink as soon as he bursts through the door at the loft. Of course not. It was a stupid foolish thought. So when his mom starts outlining her plan to save Hook, he isn't immediately excited. Because he was just let down by his own false hopes only moments ago.

But when it becomes clear that they don't expect to bring him to the Underworld, he is shouting, "You can't leave me behind!"

Everyone starts talking all at once. But they are all saying the same thing. No no no no no. It's too dangerous, it's best he stayed behind, don't worry, they will find him.

But this is Hook and Henry can't just sit at the docks, looking at the rolled up sails, wondering if they will ever sail together again, if they will ever take that trip to Coney Island they've talked about or if he would ever learn to navigate by the night sky as well as Hook.

"I'll find a way! You know I will!" His response is not calm. He might even be crying. His face feels hot. Both his moms are looking at him like they don't recognize the pre-teen throwing a tantrum in front of them. He hardly recognizes himself. And he can't help but wonder too if he will ever get decent help in his math homework ever again. The stray thought almost makes him burst out in hysterics.

"Henry, it's not right to bring you to the Underworld," Regina says calmly to him.

"Nothing's right when you lose someone you love. I want my dad back!"

And it's silent. Everyone is starring at him but he can barely see, he's crying too much.

Emma steps up to him slowly, holding her hands out like she's approaching a wild animal. "You know, kid," she says, putting one hand on each shoulder, "I would do anything for you. If I could bring your father back, I would, you know I would. But I… I don't think sharing my heart with Neal would work."

And _oh_. They are think he's acting out because he wants to go save Neal. His father. Because he said…well, he knows what he said now. And he kind of feels like a total asshat because he should want it, too, right? They would have all expected that of him. Maybe even Hook. But he would have waited and listened at least.

They never talked about the time Henry accidentally called him dad. Hook didn't say anything but he had pulled Henry close to him and his eyes were wet and his smile tremulous. Henry had always imagined a father would sniff and wipe "dust" from his eye at some big father/son bonding moment. But this was even better. Hook didn't even try to hide what this meant to him. Henry almost cried too. Especially when Hook dropped a kiss on top of his head like he was more precious than anything else in the world.

"That's not…that's not…I, uh…" God, he has such an enormous confession to make. He hasn't even made it to Hook yet. Not in so many words at least. Henry scrubs his eyes and looks at them, all cautiously looking back at him. He is certain he isn't ready for it, to tell them what he shouldn't be feeling, but he needs, needs, to come along. "I call him dad in my head."

His mom regards him carefully, not quite understanding.

"Hook," he hiccups. He takes a deep breath. "You all call him Killian now because he's Killian to you now, not Hook."

"I call him both, sometimes. I'm a fan of every part of him," she smiles sadly, like it's an inside joke. It probably is.

"But I usually call him Hook."

Emma nods along but it's clear she isn't quite following.

"He's not Killian to me now, he never was, he never will be."

Emma seems struck by his statement and Henry knows he has to barrel forward, make her understand, before this really goes sideways. "I call him dad in my head," he says so fast he doesn't know if anyone understood him.

But he can see the moment his mom realizes what he's been trying to say, her lips curling up for the first time in what feels like two lifetimes ago. "Oh, Henry…" she cries, pulling him closer to her.

"I said it out loud once too," he finds himself just continuing. "He didn't seem to mind."

"I bet he didn't," she said, holding him tighter. "Well, then it's all settled. We're a family and we are doing this together. All we need is a code name, kid."

And Henry nods, because it's okay, it's okay for him to feel the way he does. And he does hope he sees his father, Neal, for all the good things he remembers. And he wants to tell Neal he misses him and wishes they had more time together. Because he does love him, like his mom will always love him. But Killian had been his dad. And he needs to find him and tell him all the things he didn't get a chance to say before. And they just can't have a ship as fine as the Jolly sitting at a harbor. There are more adventures to be had, and more experiences to share. And he can, he will. Henry feels hope's wings burning in his chest, getting ready to set flight. And he knows. He knows what the next mission will be.

"Firebird. Operation Firebird."

* * *

 _Coda_ :

Hook opens his arms to him, and Henry is running, running, running across the graveyard to him. "My boy," Hook says into his hair as he holds him close.

* * *

 **A/N** : I needed to address the pink and purple elephants in the room – Henry going to the Underworld and him running into Neal (and the complexities attendant to that). This was also a way for making this four square of Henry/Emma/Neal/Hook make sense to me in the 'verse. _Thoughts?_


	2. interludes, i would never leave you

Notes: Three short interludes in response to 5x12, two scenes / non-scenes in particular (yeah, you know…). Part of operation firebird (i have a confession). Part of a to-be-written sequel, involving a muscle car (and struggles to adjust to a post-underworld life).

* * *

He opens his arms, and Henry is running, running, running across the graveyard to him. "My boy," he says into Henry's hair as he holds him close.

Killian doesn't know how long they stand there, but he doesn't want to leave this moment. It doesn't matter that he's in the Underworld or anywhere in between. Henry is in his arms, Swan by his side.

But eventually, Henry pulls back. Killian is resigned to letting go, but Henry is soon tugging his hook. "C'mon, let's go home, Dad."

* * *

He doesn't quite remember how they reach the boat. He just knows that as soon as they settle, he can do little more than lean into his Swan's side. She holds him close and strokes his hair. He tries to concentrate on that soothing motion instead of the pain he feels everywhere else.

He sees Henry peering at him with young eyes. And though his arms are so very tired, he lifts them once again. Henry is scrambling into them in mere seconds.

"What is it, son?" He's never called Henry that before. Never wanted to presume. Even that one time Henry called him Dad before. That affectionate moniker reserved for someone more than just a father. But Henry's said it twice now. Killian thinks he will catalog every single use of that word by him.

Henry shakes his head slightly. He feels the boy trembling in his arms. And Killian knows, without having to ask, that Henry is not ready yet. So despite his protesting limbs, Killian holds his son even tighter and doesn't let go.

* * *

Killian wakes up with a gasp. Another nightmare has left him clammy and limp. He can't sleep without falling into shadows, and when he's awake, he isn't even sure he is.

He clutches at the sheets, ready to pull them over his head as he's done every morning since his return. He's too stuck in the in-between to face the world.

But the sheets don't come. And it takes him a moment to realize Henry is sitting on them, his hand hovering over him.

"You were dreaming. I wasn't sure if I should wake you." It's already a familiar refrain.

Killian gives a slow shake of his head. He's a waste of a heart, of a journey, of an operation. He doesn't deserve, he doesn't deserve this. But he's so, so very tired, he can't even fight. He doesn't even know what for anyway. "It's alright, lad. I'm just…" he mumbles.

He's about to hide himself away again when he hears Henry sniffle. He drops the sheets without further thought. "What is it, son?" he rasps.

"I…I…"

And Killian doesn't know where he musters the strength from when all week he hasn't even wanted to blink but he opens his arms and Henry is scrambling onto the other side of the bed and into them.

Henry doesn't say anything for a long moment. But Killian is familiar with this. Much like his mother, he keeps many things close to his heart. But when the wall breaks, it comes out all at once.

"I went to Room 8," he starts saying, nose against Killian's collar. "To look for…I wanted to let him know I was okay. I wanted to let him know."

Killian nods. He had wondered if Henry had seen his father, had hoped to bring him back instead. He knows Henry had conflicted feelings about Neal but the boy did love his father. Just like Killian loved his father, too, even after everything they had done to each other.

"It must have been hard to leave him behind," Killian croaks with his unused voice.

But Henry is shaking his head, his hair tickling Killian's chin. "He wasn't there," he says around a whimper. "He wasn't in the Underworld. He didn't have any unfinished business."

"My grandfather was there. Regina's father. He couldn't leave, he couldn't leave because he still had to see her. How could – how could?" he sobs, hot tears falling onto Killian's shoulders.

Killian doesn't need Henry to explain anymore. He is wondering, how could he not have unfinished business? what about me? what about me?

And Killian is wondering too. Henry is the product of nearly every love he's ever had – Milah, Bae, Emma. He can't help but love Henry too. But Henry is also very, very special on his own. Killian could never imagine leaving him behind. And he holds him and holds him as he cries for something that is not there. Killian cries for him, too.

When the tears finally subside, Killian presses a kiss to the top of Henry's head and whispers into his hair the only truth he knows. "I could have never gone on without seeing you, my boy. I would never leave you, I would never leave you, Henry. I wouldn't know how."

"Promise?"

"Aye."

"Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Let's get up today."

And he does.


	3. when you love someone

Tag 5x14.

Henry wakes to the sound of his Dad screaming. He's stumbling out of his bed before he's even truly awake, Roger nipping at his heels.

His parents' room is down the hall, on the other side. He doesn't wonder why his Mom isn't there to comfort him, doesn't remember she is doing patrols tonight, he just hears the sound so loud in his heart it seems like his own chest is burning in agony. And it _is_ , it is. Because his Dad _needs_ him. And he's not there yet.

Henry bursts through the bedroom doors and sees his Dad crying, his cheeks wet with tears.

"Milah, _Milah_ ," he is sobbing, like a part of him is being ripped away from him.

Henry climbs on the bed and embraces him. "Dad, _Dad_ , c'mon, wake up. Dad, please, _come back_ to us."

It's not fair, it's really not fair, that his Dad had lost his first love twice, that all he had wanted for her was to be at peace and that had been taken from her again and again and again. Henry's hand still aches from punching Grandpa Gold when they had learned the truth last week. He had refused to let either of his Moms heal it too. He liked having the reminder.

"She's lost, she's lost," Hook whimpers into his pillow.

Roger is whimpering too, not liking the distressful sounds he hears, not liking that he can't get on the bed with his short puppy dog legs.

Henry doesn't want to let go of Hook but he knows the black lab will comfort him. He keeps one arm around his Dad while bending back awkwardly to scoop up the puppy with one hand. Roger immediately snuggles into his owner's side and Hook unconsciously pulls them both closer.

Henry uses his sleeve to wipe his Dad's tears away. And he watches and waits, until his Dad's cries quiet, his breath evens out. Because when you love someone, you can't sleep until they can. And when his Dad is finally at peace, Henry allows himself to drift back to sleep too.


	4. maybe today

Killian wakes.

But the tendrils of his somber dreams stay with him, curling on the edge of his consciousness. Dark, greedy, enthralling. They pull him back into the recess of his mind, deep enough that light can't reach him.

"Killian?" she whispers, the lad entreats, life calls.

"Maybe tomorrow," he mumbles as he turns over and falls back into dreams.

* * *

On good days, they call it now, he shuffles from one room to the next. He's never sure where he's headed. His eyes aren't focus, his mind lost within its own despair, his soul still drowning in the River Styx.

He's a poltergeist in his own house, a shade in his own life.

He's back but he's not home.

* * *

He is screaming again. He's not sure what's real and what's a ghost in his mind. His dreamscape seems to conjure up worse demons than the Underworld. But the taste of salt, of his own wet tears, that's real.

"Dad," Henry says. And it is like a beacon calling him home.

* * *

Killian has braved many a storm bare chested before but now he shivers on bright Maine mornings. Henry is wrapping a scarf around his neck. Made for him by Regina of all people.

"There was a period where she wanted to appear domestic, like a mother. She learned to bake and sew and knit."

Killian frowns. "Those are funny ideas of a mother."

Henry smiles and nods. His mothers "kick ass" as the lad sometimes says (out of their earshot). For Henry, always for Henry. That's a good mother. "But she makes a nice scarf."

"Aye, she does."

He walks the lad to school. Emma always looks like she wants to follow but she doesn't. Just kisses him and tells him to come back to her.

The cricket doctor had said this was normal, even expected. It doesn't feel normal to him. Darkness had been a familiar companion, he had known its depths, had been consumed by it for centuries, and yet it had driven him across realms, across time, to do the impossible - to meet Emma, to be a father to Henry. But these days he can hardly bring himself to rise in the morning.

It is Henry, the son of all of his loves, his own son, that draws him from bed. On those good days.

But then he gets lost again. Wanders off and doesn't make it back to the house he helped picked. Not until well after dark.

They are waiting for him. They are always waiting for him to come back. Like he had made a run to the nearest grocer and couldn't find the milk.

And he is sorry, he is. He says it every day. He feels it every day. But he doesn't know how to make it any better, he doesn't know how to be better.

* * *

He doesn't get up for several days. He doesn't walk Henry to school all week.

Hopper says it is natural. But how can it be natural for him to be so fucked up? So listless and lost? So ungrateful and undeserving?

He has a family now, they've literally gone to hell and back for him, and he can't even get himself out of bed sometimes. How is this natural? How is he not just a waste of a rescue? Of space?

These questions circle his inner mind like Neverland demons. They scream and rage and taunt him and he thinks he just wants it to stop, he wants it all to stop.

"Hey, Dad," says the voice that quiets the demons.

"Aye, son?"

Henry offers his hand and he gets up.


	5. roger

**A/N** : Post-underworld adjustment. Takes place during operation firebird, drabble (when you love someone) and operation firebird (maybe someday).

Henry tucks the walkie talkie in his Dad's coat pocket. The pirate looses it as often as he fails to answer it. Henry knows he doesn't mean to. When his Dad wanders, his mind does to.

But Henry knows. He knows that his Dad's heart is anchored here and now with them.

He knows because he sees the way his Dad turns towards him when he hears his voice, he sees him fight his inner demons just to get out of bed.

But sometimes he gets lost again.

But Henry doesn't despair. Because that would be like giving up. And he would never give up on his family. And though his Dad is struggling, he knows he isn't giving up either.

"Almost ready for school?" his Mom asks as she joins them in the foyer.

"Yeah, just one more thing," he says as he grabs the knit scarf his other mother made. He wraps it around Killian's shoulders with care and tucks the ends into the circle he has made. "Okay, we are ready."

* * *

Sometimes he doesn't make it home after he drops Henry off at school.

Sometimes he gets lost in his own head and doesn't realize how late it is - that the sun is down, the weather has changed.

Sometimes he is surprised to see his own breathe in the air and he needs to take a trembling hand to his half heart to feel it beat.

It is. It is always beating - Henry, Emma, Henry.

* * *

His Dad has been in bed for days. He always kicks the blankets off and clutches the sheets, pulling them over his head until only a mess of dark hair peeks out. He asks his Dad to walk him to school all week but he doesn't hear.

"Your Dad just needs time," his Mom says to him as he enters the bedroom again.

Henry shakes his head. No, he needs me. He needs to hear my voice.

"Hey, Dad," he tries again.

"Aye, son?"

Henry smiles. "Let's get up today."

* * *

"Where are we headed, lad?" he asks as they take an unfamiliar route.

"You'll see," Henry replies as he leads him by the hand.

"What about school?" Killian frowns. "Just because I've…been having difficulties doesn't mean you should neglect your studies."

"Don't worry. It's Saturday, Dad."

He nods at Henry in approval. "Well then, what are we doing on Saturday?"

"You'll see," Henry says as he continues to tug him along.

Killian raises a curious brow when they reach a yard full of…refuse. He doesn't say anything as Henry leads them into the middle of the pile.

"Ta-da!" the lad exclaims when they reach their apparent destination.

"What is that?"

"It's a car!"

Killian eyes it skeptically. "I'm not much of an expert on your land vessels, lad, but I'm not certain this contraption can be driven."

Even Swan's vehicle is in better shape.

He is stepping forward, one foot slightly hovering over the ground, when he hears it. He pivots in front of Henry and brings his hook up.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" the lad asks loudly. Killian resists the urge to roll his eyes. The boy is his mother's child through and through.

Killian signals for him to stay back. Of course the lad steps forward with him. Killian rushes towards the driver seat door and pulls it open, ready to use his hook to vanquish the villain. No one hurts his family while he is still breathing.

He sees nothing and pulls back with a frown. He scans every visible inch of the car for any potential source for the noise. He is about to step back when a small black ball of fur rolls out from under the driver seat.

Killian finds himself on his knees peering at the small creature. It blinks back with deep chocolate eyes and makes the same noise he has heard earlier. It is the whimper of a lost one.

"Oh it's a puppy!" Henry says loudly in his ear.

Killian shushes the lad gently before reaching out with his hand at the impossibly small creature. It tumbles towards his open palm eagerly. Killian gently lifts it, finds the pup can fit in just the palm of his hand but he cradles it to his chest.

"We can take it to the shelter."

"The shelter?" Killian looks up at Henry, startled.

"It's like a house for stray animals."

Killian is reluctant to release the pup. "Shouldn't we take it with us instead?"

Henry frowns. "I'm not sure if Mom will let us keep him around. I've been begging for a dog for ages."

"Ah," he says even as he brings the pup closer to his chest. "I suppose it's best to listen to your mother."

* * *

Killian doesn't want to return to the junkyard after that Saturday but he walks him to school on Monday. And Tuesday. And on Wednesday and Thursday.

"I think we are making great progress," Henry declares on Friday. His Dad has taken him to school everyday and is waiting for him on the porch every time he returns.

"Hmmm," his mother says, a frown marring her forehead.

"What is it?" Henry feels his joy deflate a bit. "More nightmares?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it, Henry."

"Mom." His mother may be a human lie detector but she's awfully bad at telling a lie.

Emma sighs for a moment before confessing, "He hasn't been in bed much. I wake up and he isn't there. I'm used to his wanderings during the day but at night…"

"Maybe he's tired of sleeping so much?" Henry ventures. He doesn't really believe it and neither does his mom but she nods in agreement anyway.

* * *

Henry isn't sure what wakes him the following week but he instinctually heads to his parents' room. The door is open and his Mom is curled up on her side of the bed but his Dad isn't there.

He grabs his walkie talkie and gives it a try as he is heading down the stairs. He hears the static of the other device. It is on the kitchen table. He places his own walkie talkie down beside it and listens for any other sounds but hears none.

He is walking around the first floor when he catches a light outside - the shed. Henry leans against the window frame, waiting for his Dad to emerge, but when minutes turn into an hour, he pulls on his sneakers and heads out.

He pushes open the shed door gently so he doesn't startle his Dad. He finds him crouched against the back wall, a tiny ball of fur held close to his chest. Killian has been hiding the puppy in the shed this whole time.

"Henry," he sighs when their eyes meet.

"What are you doing out here?" he asks though he's sure he knows the answer.

Killian tilts his chin toward the puppy in his arms. "I thought your mother would disapprove."

Henry frowns in confusion. His mother would do anything to help Killian readjust to the land of the living again. Surely his Dad knew this. Surely he knew how well loved he was.

Henry edges closer to his Dad until he is next to him and can slide down the wall beside him. "Dad…" he begins.

Killian presses into Henry's side and leans his head on his. Henry smiles. Despite the demons that plague his mind, his Dad does know he is loved. Henry looks at the puppy cradled against Killian. Maybe his Dad just doesn't want to burden them.

Henry keeps his tone light. "I've always wanted a dog too. I think we can convince Mom. It will be three against one." He tilts his head up so he can meet his father's gaze while maintaining physical contact. "There's no way Mom can resist three pairs of puppy eyes."

Hook gives him a small grin and Henry feels like he made magic happened.

Henry doesn't expect his mom to be up already but she's sipping from her coffee cup when they walk in. She lifts a questioning eyebrow at the puppy that arrives with them.

"Dad and I found him. I promise I'll take care of him."

Killian clutches the puppy tighter in his arms. It snuggles into his chest happily.

"He's so jolly!" Henry exclaims.

Emma immediately groans.

"Maybe we can call him Roger instead?" Killian offers tentatively.

Henry grins. His Dad has probably been calling the puppy that in his head the whole time.

"I think that's perfect!" Henry enthuses.

His Mom makes a big show of sighing but her eyes are soft as she looks at Killian's smile. They are too far and few in between. She nods.

"Welcome to the family, Roger," Killian says softly to the puppy in his arms. He steps up close to Henry and Emma. "In this family, you are well loved."

* * *

 _Coda (Emma):_

Emma detests night shifts. They mess with her schedule. They take her away from her pirate when he needs her the most. She can barely get up in time to send Henry off to school.

She trudges up the stairs, ready to collapse into bed. She finds the bed nearly full though - of pirate, son and puppy.

She's about to give a long frustrated sigh when Killian lifts his head and smiles at her.

"Room for one more?" comes out instead.

"Always, my love."

And she snuggles in close with her whole crew.


End file.
